Now what will the project entail? It will be on my initiative and will develop as it goes forward. The basic idea is that I listen to what people have to say and that I report it. I will focus on two distinct groups. One group will be the NGOs in the area that have international outreach. I see myself giving them the opportunity to say how they perceive Canada's identity in the world today. What do people think of us Canadians? What is our actual performance? What are possibilities for the future? What should our priorities be?
A second group is those who can be described as "newcomers." What are the local demographic patterns? What are the allegiances newcomers currently hold? Have they experienced Canada as a welcoming place? How would they like to see government move in the next while?
My time in Mexico gave me a sense of Canada's profile from outside the country.
I have a sense that what is to come next will be more difficult for me. My identity as a Canadian inhibits me; it is as though I have to work with mirrors to see my own face. My thoughts do not flow easily. I both know too much and know much too little.
I welcome suggestions for the kinds of questions that should be asked of NGOs and newcomer families. I welcome any input from those who find themselves in those groups.
I hope to rein in my aggressive side by following guidelines for listening: -by Kay Lindahl, the founder of the Listening Center in Laguan Niguel, California. Kay is also the chairperson of the North American Interfaith Network (NAIN).
1. WHEN YOU ARE LISTENING, SUSPEND ASSUMPTIONS - What we assume is often invisible to us. We assume that others have had the same experiences that we have, and that is how we listen to them. Learn to recognize assumptions by noticing when you get upset or annoyed by something someone else is saying. You may be making an assumption. Let it be - suspend it - and resume listening for understanding of the other.
2. WHEN YOU ARE SPEAKING, EXPRESS YOUR PERSONAL RESPONSE - informed by your tradition, beliefs and practices as you have interpreted them in your life. Speak for yourself. Use "I' language. Take ownership of what you say. Speak from your heart. Notice how often the phrases "We all", "of course", "everyone says", "you know", come into your conversation. The only person you can truly speak for is yourself.
3. LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT - The purpose of dialogue is to come to an understanding of the other, not to determine whether they are good, bad, right or wrong. If you are sitting there thinking: 'That's good", 'That's bad", "I like that" "I don't like that", then you are having a conversation in your own mind, rather than listening to the speaker. Simply notice when you do this, and return to being present with the speaker.
4. SUSPEND STATUS - Everyone is an equal partner in the inquiry. There is no seniority or hierarchy. All are colleagues with a mutual quest for insight and clarity. You are each an expert in your life. That is what you bring to the dialogue process.
5. HONOUR CONFIDENTIALITY - Leave the names of participants in the room so if you share stories or ideas, no one's identity will be revealed. Create a safe space for self-expression.
6. LISTEN FOR UNDERSTANDING, NOT TO AGREE WITH OR BELIEVE - You do not have to agree with or believe anything that is said. Your job is to listen for understanding.
7. ASK CLARIFYING OR OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS to assist your understanding and to explore assumptions.
8. HONOUR SILENCE AND TIME FOR REFLECTION - Notice what wants to be said rather than what you want to say.
9. ONE PERSON SPEAKS AT A TIME - Pay attention to the flow of the conversation. Notice what patterns emerge from the group. Make sure that each person has an opportunity to speak, while knowing that no one is required to speak.
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